Both Sides Now

Watch "Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now (Live, 1970)" on YouTube
My Dad bought a red and black 6 string acoustic guitar, in the early 1970's,  for $12 from Gibsons, a long gone discount store in Corpus Christi, Texas.  His desire at the time was to learn to play  but a preacher with a full time job, young children and wife with an infinite honey do list had no time for such things.  I thought that instrument protected by the corrigated cardboard box it came in was beautiful.  I opened it up and softly strummed every chance I got.  I suppose Dad realized one day or just kinda made the choice that guitar lessons for him were too far down on the list of priorities. I was so excited my wildest dream had come true the day he told me I could take guitar lessons.  If I practised and kept it up he would give me his beautiful red and black acoustic guitar.  It makes me a little sad to think about now.   I loved playing and could figure out the chords to most any song.  I had a guitar cause Dad let go of his dream to play for his church.  His God,  family, friends, neighbors,  had to be tended to first.  I could pick out chords and even wrote a few of my own songs because the nice hippie college student next door patiently taught me how, only to have his life cut tragically short attempting to bring his friends some marijuana, a stupid plant that relieves nausea, causes random giggles, inner peace and makes a great rope.  I remember like it was yesterday sitting indian style on my twin bed, my long hair parted down the middle and braided,  in the room I shared with my sister, matching flower power sheets, struming my guitar, singing Joni Mitchel's song, Both Sides Now, to the life size Bobby Sherman poster taped to the back of our bedroom door. 
Fast forward several decades and  it feels a little surreal to say out loud I have a granddaughter the same age I was back then.  I wish I could be there with her to celebrate all of life's bountiful blessings and sheild her from the great losses that always seem to follow.  I feel like I should have great words of wisdom instead of more questions.  'It's life's illusions I recall. I really don't know life...
at all'.