Losses, Balance and Life

What I want is coming clear.  Who I want is probably gonna have to change.  It has been so difficult for me to realize that I am important. My feelings and my hopes, dreams and plans for the future matter even if only to me.  I have said for a long time, you feel how you feel.  This is true I still believe but I can no longer let a feeling rule my life.  Plus when I look back I do not like what I see.  Time to wake up and smell the coffee, Steph.  The thing is trying to find the balance between having real feelings, when to forgive, when is it okay to trust again and when are those feelings just way too wrong and time to cut my losses and move on.  Such is life in the typical day of Steffie’s small world.  I would not have it any other way.  kisses   Photography by Mike Jameson

Precious Life

Life is so very fragile and so very precious.  My very longest closest friend called this morning to let me know her sweet Mother had major surgery last night.  She sounded very positive as Flour Bluff people usually do but I know the seriousness of that kind of surgery.  Most of us realize we will probably out live our parents.  Truth being this is realized head knowledge.  Heart knowledge is something else all together.  Well, heart is not geared for knowledge at all.  Heart is all feelings and emotions, fairy tails, hopes and dreams.  So important to make those memories, make time for what is truly important. I have started making it a point to be a little less ‘closed off’ and more open about what I feel, how I feel and what I want.  My Mom is still living and I told her the other day I really appreciate the firm foundation she provided for me growing up.  She seemed truly surprised.  She thanked me for letting her know she got something right.  Wow, she really needed to hear that.  I felt bad I had not ever told her but I guess I am learning to appreciate every thing just a little bit more.  I guess that is part of life after 40 or rather 50.  Life is full of change.  My Dad taught me to always have a plan and never give up.  More recently I have grabbed onto a phrase from a close friend-keep moving forward.  That pretty much sums it up.   No one is promised tomorrow.  It is beautiful November weather.  Love you guys, kisses.  

Thursday Day

It is a beautiful Fall Thursday day.  I so love this time of year.  I still do not have the job I wanted. One thing I have learned over this past year if I did not already know is that there is a timing for things, a definite order. Maybe God is in control-of some stuff at least.  I do know He takes care of me.  I do also know He seems to send just the right people with just the right stuff just when I need them most. I had the most wonderful day yesterday. Just the right friend showed up and made just every little thing seem alright and even better. Its a wonderful life! Time to get ready for Fun Friday.  kisses

Husband Talk

I love to hear husbands talk to their wives on the phone. Their voice softens, body language even kinda gets giddy and goodbyes are ended with ‘I love you’.  One of the most beautiful scenes etched in my mind was this couple that visited my Dad’s church.  They must have been in their 80’s at least.  You know the kind of couple married so long they even look alike.  They appeared to me to be equally fragile, almost transparent pale fair skin, white hair, both of them tall very thin and dressed in Sunday best.   He walked beside her and held her arm to be seated.  When the communion tray was passed he served her first and at the end of the service assisted her to stand.  It seemed his whole focus was her safety, her comfort first.  I wondered if this was always or something realized later in the relationship.  No matter I guess.  These days what I had imagined for my life at this point, in the way of relationship status, and reality are very different.  Not bad, just different.  The softened voice on the other end of the line just never happened for me and at my age I am thinking it probably won’t.  My kids and grandkids are pretty attached to me and they do not like to share so I suppose just as well.  Maybe I should not share me either-sounds so silly!  So it goes.  I love this weather and right now I am headed outside to enjoy it.  Have a happy Tied up November Tuesday.   kisses 

Sunday Preachers and Pancakes

When I was growing up Sunday morning was Mom cooking pancakes, Dad singing thru the house trying to get us kids up and moving and he was usually in a very good mood.  My friends ask me now how I can always be so happy.  Well, I grew up in a happy peaceful home. Not that we did not have our rough patches like everyone else but more often than not my Dad was singing or laughing and Mom while not like Dad, was at least peaceful and quiet.  Dad would tune in the TV preachers.  I say tune in cause TV’s had that tuner button and rabbit ears.  There was a knob to turn just to stop the rolling lines that seemed to be part of life watching TV. That knob even sometimes worked if you turned it the opposite of the way the lines were rolling and if you are under 40 you probably have no idea what I am talking about.  We have come a long way baby.  Rex Humbard and Maude Aimee were my favorites.  My Dad’s favorite I think was Oral Roberts that is until Robert Schuller came along.  My parents made trips to visit both Oral in Oklahoma and Robert Schuller’s Crystal Cathedral in California.  I’m sure they are/were good men but I only ever looked forward to good ole Rex and his wife.  They just seemed more real to me.  Now I try to catch Joel Osteen on my TV.  No rollie tuner knob needed but I still use rabbit ears.  Joel is very different from those old time preachers.  He is like a big cheerleader and refreshing that he is not constantly asking for money.  He does use the Bible and never resorts to fire and brimstone like in the ‘old days’.  You know I think the church going generation before us thought a dose of ‘fire and brimstone’ was needed to keep everyone in line.  I never liked it.  I think we need encouragement and just good examples.  Well, Jesus is our example but you know what I mean.  We just all do the best we can and keep trying to do it better, every day in every way.  Love you guys, Happy Sunday Morning. kisses 

I Love November

I love November.  I love how the weather starts to change getting cooler and breezier and less humid.  I have never lived where the trees do much of anything different but I have visited those places and tree leaves do just amazing things.  I tried to cook Thanksgiving dinner most years for my family when my children were growing up.  Both of my grandmothers were such excellent traditional cooks.  I have never measured up but I did give it a go.  My girls are really good at carrying on tradition.  Tradition I think is important for families.  It is sort of part of that glue that holds you all together and gets you thru tough times.  I like to put up the Christmas tree right after Thanksgiving and leave it up till after New Years.  November begins and I start getting excited at the thought of Thanksgiving dinner, get really serious about Christmas presents for grandkids and Christmas cards!  I have gotten so bad about cards.  When I was first married I had a system in my address book for Christmas cards.  Somehow I let that go by the wayside but this year I want to start that again.  I love getting Christmas cards so then I guess I should send some.  It is November and time to get started.  Hope you have traditions and if not I hope you start at least one this year.  Cause if you start this year then next year you will have a tradition to do again, something to look forward to, maybe plan for a little and help glue you to those around you.  Have a beautiful, cool weather, breezy day. kisses 

Time Passes Too Fast

I miss my kids being kids.  It just went by way too fast.  My parents warned me that would happen. Mom says "Time marches on".  I really did try and take heed but the closest thing to a handbook life gives you is those little tidbits of wisdom passed down from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, the wise old guy down the street, the Luby's lady with the blue eye shadow and bouffant hair do-pretty much anyone 5 minutes or more older than you are.  My kids have thanked me for stuff I told them. That is a pretty cool feeling. I did not realize I actually 'know' something. That is a story I will save for another day.  Enjoy today, every minute, everyone in it. Time passes too fast. Don't you wish we could slow it down a little?  Thanks Mom & Dad.  kisses