Fools Gold

It's early Saturday morning and I cannot sleep cause my mind won't stop talking to me.  It seems like the issue of  being a single woman has been a big one recently.   I think the power of two is a strong one and I don't take it lightly.  It's been 9 years I think.  That timeline is rather blurred for me.  I guess another reason for my small world - I get easily overwhelmed.  So easy for me to kind of shut down and only deal with what I pick and chose.   Sometimes in trying to shield my heart I focus on bizarre dark and maybe irrational fears.  I would much rather deal with monsters under my bed than deal with tricks played on my heart.  My PawPaw used to tell me, "Steffie, always beware of Fools Gold."  The trouble I have found with that is people do not have an 18 or 24 karat stamp on them.  How am I to know who is real?  Or am I making it harder than it is?  In my world everyone is 18 or 24 karat gold.  So when someone in my world hurts me it is very difficult for me to move on.  (Whatever that means anyway.  Move on where?) I tend to focus on something other than my heart feelings, like some other aspect of events.  I hate to cry.  I mean cry cause my feelings are hurt.  I barely acknowledge it even to myself and crying is done alone in my car.  I don't know what I am so afraid of except the ghosts in my head.  I keep saying hurtful things trying to fill the hole in my sky.  That just makes the hole bigger.  Was way to used to my quiet life when even the thought of love was asleep.  Just thinking one wrong move is gonna sell me out.  Maybe lets just be friends...first.   Wow, dawn if finally here.  Think I'll make some coffee and start my happy day. kisses